Being Stuck On Repeat

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Photo Credit sxc.hu user mzacha

Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck on repeat, that every day is Groundhog Day, instead of some grand adventure like it used to be. The funny thing is I’m never entirely sure why. Sure some of it is fear, some perfectionism…but I have the feeling there is more to it than that. It’s not my fibromyalgia, or chronic fatigue, or my herniated disc keeping me running the same day over and over again. Even when I start the day with a bang, all fired up and ready to rock…two hours or so later I’m deflated, and running the same patterns over and over again.

Clearly I have some massive self-work to do. Clearly I’m missing something. But the wondering can easily drive me mad. Circular thinking ftw. I know something is wrong, but I can’t pinpoint it, therefore I can’t fix it. Is it mindset? Is it a combination of illnesses? Am I burnt out? It would be easier if there was any one thing I could point to that seemed to set me off, but it doesn’t matter what the task at hand is…from playing video games to working on all the projects I really want to do to cleaning this place up.

I can think of probably a hundred reasons why, but none of them quite fit. Could be that I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up (Everything!), could be that I don’t feel confident in my work at times (perfectionism), could be anything. Or even everything. All I know is that I need to break the cycle, before it’s another decade down the road and I’m still on repeat.

What do you do when you feel you’re stuck on repeat?

Taking A Step Back

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I feel it’s time to take a little break from the online world, a step or two back if you will. I won’t be completely disappearing off the face of the planet…or at least I hope not…but I won’t be as active on social networking and such as I have been. I will still be checking in from time to time, keeping up with Triberr commitments, blogging, and book reviews and proofreading remain open. Editing is closed for the moment (it’s no longer on the hire me page) but will re-open later. I am still looking for clients as well, so if you have a project, shoot me an email!

The reason for this time out is everything in my life is very, very cluttered. My environment is trashed, my mind is full of all kinds of stuff, and my finances are a mess. I need to take a step back and regain some measure of control over this insanity! I need to tie up a lot of loose ends, especially in regards to my project list. Of course all this would occur at the busiest time of the year! Especially with Christmas right around the corner, I really need to get my head on straight and push to give Midget a good Christmas. As a single Mom, I’m the sole everything to that kid, and she’s my top priority.

I have “let go” of a few clients that just weren’t aligned with my value system, which leaves a financial gap I can barely afford. So expect to see me picking up the pace on YCN and Constant Content for a while. There will be some changes to the blog upcoming, mostly adding in the “life” in “writer’s life.” I will be putting up my currently available YCN articles up for reprint rights here on the blog for $5, and of course there will be more short stories and other works being added in the fiction department. Endless Love is looking a bit lost all alone over there. Right now I need to clear my plate, and focus on what is most important to me…with a little shameless self-promotion thrown in!

I’ll be available through email as always, and will continue to check into Facebook or Twitter when I have something to say, promote, or just want to let those that care know that I am still alive.

Photo Credit: sxc.hu user ColinBroug